Surviving and healing from abuse is a life-long process. The circumstances are life-altering, thought-pattern-changing and emotionally recurring. Sometimes flashbacks don’t need a trigger, they just pop up. Victims need to possess a set of tools to combat the recurring effects. The events of the leadership meeting were a trigger in my case. It was the…
The Eyes of the Abuser
May 25, 2022
A Shepherd of the Flock?
May 24, 2022
Is this how a good shepherd of the congregation should treat his flock? I’m just asking. “In rephrasing the question, he pointed to BK as the one needing to adjust, asking, ‘How do you change?’ He used a similar pattern to what he did to Dawn Varvil. Can you see how he twisted what she…
The Stance of the Abuser
May 23, 2022
Is this the position of a humble servant of God or of a wolf backed into a corner? I’m just asking. “Murmurs of wanting to replace Steve as senior minister swung a huge wrecking ball toward his dreams of heading a vast megachurch. She made the blunder of showing compassion for Steve’s mother and family…
Time to Move On
May 22, 2022
We all rotate through each other’s lives as a matter of course, but at what point is it excessive? When do we stop to ask the reason behind losing close ties? Is it a normal state of affairs if a church loses 75-95% of its attendees within months? Is it normal for a church to…
Patterns Over Time
May 21, 2022
I learned to recognize true repentance and character change as a lay counselor through the divorce support group and Celebrate Recovery ministries by sustained, lengthy patterns in behavior change. Repeated patterns can also flag problems. Comments during the April 8th meeting indicated repeated cycles of losing pastors, elders and families over the years since the…
The Pressure to Silence the Whistleblowers
May 20, 2022
What do you call telling the crowd you aren’t pressuring or inserting influence against the outspoken while you allow your alliances with family and the elders to move against them? What is the term for filing lawsuits against the whistleblowers to stop them from talking to the church body? The elders announced the lawsuit filed…
Alliances Form
May 19, 2022
I didn’t realize the solidifying alliances forming at the time of the meeting. This was a definite turning point that widened the chasm between the two factions in the church as both sides began gathering supporters. My reaction to the meeting, along with subsequent choices made by church leadership solidified my position. Is it true…
The Valid Question
May 18, 2022
The leaders who attended the April 8th meeting with church leadership came prepared with their concerns. Several of the leaders were from the Celebrate Recovery ministry within the church, and they were accustomed to winnowing out truth from participants. One of them asked about the relationship between the two prominent churches in this story. “‘The…
Time for the Counselor to get Counseling?
May 17, 2022
The leadership meeting of April 8, 2015 continued with one of the Bible School teachers asking the senior minister if he would consider counseling because of the management style issues that had been brought to light. She had spoken to others who felt they needed to leave the church. As she put it, these were…
What am I to Make of This?
May 16, 2022
I am baffled by this comment from the senior pastor, because it is opposite to his behavior in 2012 when three trustworthy individuals came to him to report their concerns. I joined the church around 2003 and wasn’t aware of a reported case, though that is not to say there wasn’t one prior to 2012….
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